Stories from the Stool: Fair or Fowl?

[RockintheRed]

In celebration of this week's All-Star festivities, I thought I'd catch up with our own All-Star field usher, Aaron Borchelt, who graciously made time for another Q and A session as a sequel to his smash-hit first interview, "An Inside Look at the Life of a Field Usher." This time, I thought we'd take a look at the lighter side of being a field usher - streakers, dealing with Fredbird, and making highlight-worthy catches. Reader be warned.

First of all, I have to ask this: is there actually All-Star selections for ushers? If not, what can we do to help you make that happen?

No, unfortunately (or fortunately ... more on that to come) there are not all star usher selections. They let the host team have their people out there for "the big game." Which brings me to the "fortunately" part of our show, since the "big game" will be in St. Louis next year, I should be stationed on the stool for all of that action. And I thought the pressure to perform was high during the World Series ;-)

As our readers may or may not know, on Friday (the 4th) night there was a fan who ran onto the field in what seemed to be an ill-fated streaking attempt. Is it true that the field ushers had, for lack of a better word, "intel" before the game even started that there would be a fan attempting to run onto the field? If so, how does intel like that come about?

There was indeed a "field intrusion" on Friday night at the Cards-Cubs game in St. Louis. Supposedly, this was a well-documented plan that "fell" short of execution. During the seventh inning, this fan decided to "stretch" her legs and go for a bit of a jog. Little does she know that the security at Busch Stadium already was aware of her intentions.

I'm not for sure how it was made known to the Cardinals. I thought it had something to do with a radio prank/promotion, but I can't confirm that. It was just a matter of time. When it came to her "5 seconds of fame," that's about all she got ... 5 seconds! She barely got past Stan Musial's retired number on the left field wall, which is not very far for those that are unfamiliar with our tribute to some of the Cardinal greats. She was caught, written up, and taken to jail to spend the remainder of her Fourth of July weekend. I guess she had to provide some fireworks of her own! The fine is yet to be determined until a court appearance takes place.

As an interesting sidebar to this story, this fan was ejected from the ballpark earlier in the game for activity elsewhere. It is believed that she obtained a second ticket and came back in to get some more attention. That story reminds me of the Red Wings fan that went to Pittsburgh and was thrown out of a Stanley Cup Finals game for hurling an octopus onto the ice. What fans will do!!!!

Do the Cardinals have a jail cell for holding detainees, such as in the King of Queens episode where Doug and Carrie get put in "Mets jail" for running onto the field/being belligerent at a hot dog stand? I suppose they take the matter a little more seriously in real life than they do in a sitcom.

Busch Stadium is equipped with holding cells for those patrons who feel the urge to come onto the field, or who fight the law. I've only seen this area once when I had to file a report. I think there is a separate location for the intoxicated fans/underaged drinkers. I haven't seen that episode of King of Queens. Can you say YouTube?!!!!

Fredbird was noticeably irritating you on Friday, throwing your stool, helmet, and poncho (which, I assume, was for the streaker) onto the field when you weren't looking. Fredbird might be one of the most annoying yet loved mascots in all of baseball. That said, is there any bad blood between you and the bird?

Fredbird and I have nothing but the utmost respect for each other. There is certaily no FOWL play involved. And I am NEVER irritated by what the bird does. It is fun, fan-friendly, and adds to the entertainment of a trip to the ballpark. Friday night was by far one of the funnier moments he has had. While I was going about my business of telling the front row of fans what they can and cannot do, Fredbird decided to litter the field with my belongings. When I didn't notice or react, he picked up my things and threw them further into the outfield. It was at that point when I noticed that I no longer had a stool to sit on down the right field line, but rather in line with the right fielder. I retrieved my things and continued on down the line. Fredbird then decided to take my things again, but was caught in the act by yours truly. All in all, many laughs were had and a good time was had by all.

That wasn't the first run-in with "Big Bird." Over the course of my years on the field, he has poked fun, made several gestures which I shall not go into at this time, thrown popcorn at me, offered me pizza, smashed that aforementioned Italian delight in my face, kicked dirt on me, and otherwise antagonized me in hopes of getting a laugh. What that bird doesn't know is that something is coming in return. He doesn't know what ... he doesn't know when ... he doesn't know where ... but it's coming!!!!

He smashed pizza in your face? Maybe it's time to send Fredbird to Cardinals jail.

Yes, I was "fed" a Digiorno Pizza during a game last season. I guess I was the "lucky fan of the game." Fredbird in Cardinals jail ... now THERE'S an idea. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Perhaps you've seen the viral video of a field usher who scales the outfield wall to catch a foul ball (you can see it

here

). Do you ever have any urge to pull a Jimmy Edmonds and make a diving grab in foul territory?

Yes I have seen that video. In fact, I think I had it sent to me 7 times in one day. Not a bad example of viral marketing! My first reaction to that video was, "That's fake. There's no way that happened." Which was indeed true. Speaking of making a diving play or attempting to make it on SportsCenter, the thought has crossed my mind. It's all about timing and opportunity. I have caught two baseballs on a fly, but those were of the line drive sort. The umpires really don't like for on-field security staff to do that sort of thing because a ball is still "in play" until it hits into foul territory. Will there ever be a time when I dive for a ball? Perhaps. But that will probably be the last time you see me on the field.

I think we all have to unanimously agree that the video is fake, or else we might come across an amateur field usher draft. Think you can play a little middle infield for us? With a decent glove and some gap power I'm pretty sure we could find a spot for you on the team.

Those guys make it look easy (most of the time). I could always hold my own fielding, but couldn't hit worth anything. However, if the big club would like to pay me the league minimum for a game or three, I would be more than happy to oblige.

I'll let Mozeliak know the next time I talk with him.


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