Top 5 Anything

[jtur88]

Top 5 ways to quickly clean out a junky garage.

By observing my five principles of work:

1. Determine if it really needs to be cleaned out.
2. Wait and see if some workaholic does it.
3. Sit under a shade tree and carefully plan an efficient way.
4. Make some Garage Sale signs.
5. If none of those work, roll up your sleeves and get it over with.

-----------

Top Five ways to save gas.

[DiamondDave]

Originally Posted by jtur88

Dave, you just registered a protest against the fact that those things are not taxed enough or at all. How much is the tax on that protest?

Dunno... but I can afford it

[DiamondDave]

Originally Posted by jtur88

Top Five ways to save gas.

5. Motorcycling (around 50MPG average)
4. Diesel Vehicles and the use of SVO
3. Live closer to work
2. Start walking to work. You may have to wake up about 5 hours earlier than normal
1. Stop allowing hypocritical DEM politicians and Enviro nuts to use private jets and force them to use public transportation like they tell you to

Top 5 things to liven up a boring wedding

[jtur88]

Top 5 things to liven up a boring wedding

1. Call everybody a Liberal.
2. Criticize their lifestyle for not being personally responsible.
3. Bring all your army buddies along, wearing their flak-jackets and night-vision goggles.
4. Beat up all he people who are poorer than you are, and tell them they deserve it.
5. Slow dance with the babe with melons.

---------------

Top Five ways to estimate the measurements of something if you don't have a ruler.

[Grandstander]

1) guess
2) reckon
3) 'spect
4) figger
5) Looks purt near.

Top Five Magician's Tricks Which You Have Seen Too Many Damn Times.

[jtur88]

1. Pull a rabbit out of a hat
2. Pull a coin from behind ones ear
3. guess a card from a deck
4. Saw a lady in half.
5. Hit a walk-off homer in the last of the 9th at Yankee Stadium.

----------

Top Five places to sleep if you get mugged late at night and have no money or phone.

[nanwynn]

underneath the arches;

in a gondola on moonlit bay;

in da bushes;

up a tree;

in the public park gazebo


5 best ways to squander jtur's loot after you've mugged him

[Grandstander]

1) Pack of gum
2) Ten minutes on the parking meter
3) 1/2 of a lottery ticket
4) 3 minutes of air and water at the gas station
5) A dram of gas

Top Five Least Trustworthy Sounding Men's First Names

[jtur88]

Top Five Least Trustworthy Sounding Men's First Names

1. George W.
2. Dick
3. Donald
4. Tony
5. Jack

----------

Top five places you'd look for change (as in, coins) if you desperately needed some.

[Zen653]

1. In my pants pockets.
2. Under the seat cushions.
3. Between the seats and central console of my cars.
4. In the chazari drawers.
5. My daughter's broken teapot.

Your Top Five Sentimental Keepsakes

[perfectstormhits]

"Safety Patrolman of the Year" trophy

Yogi Berra autographed baseball.

A girlfriends old drivers license.

Bill of Sale from a 1983 Dodge Lancer

Silver Dollar coins given to me by my grandfather


Top Five Reasons to Ignore This Thread

[jtur88]

Your Top Five Sentimental Keepsakes

I have virtually nothing that predates my recent life. VBut I do have:

1. A Swiss Army Knife, circa-1970, with checkered red aluminum handle and four very useful blades.
2. A pocket magnifying glass, originally owned by my grandfather about 100 years ago. (Both of the above are always in my pocket)
3. All of my old passports, stamped in over 100 countries (currently in my stepdaughter's custody)
4. A few pieces of baseball memorabilia, scorecards signed by Schoendienst and Slaughter, and some world series press pins, all obtained by myself.
5. Not old, but treasured, is a pin inscribed in Chinese 'wild bird society of Taiwan, 1996', given to me by birders I met in the field there.

I guess i type too slow. Carry on.

[nanwynn]

Top 5 reasons to ignore this thread:

1. One has passed on, in the glimmer of his monitor, and is thus as inanimate as a motel nightstand;

2. One is a sociopath, with no interest in human lists of any kind;

3. One cannot count to 5 in any language;

4. One is of an elite calling and has no time for trivializations;

5. One is a *****cat and finds the shimmering monitor lights fleetingly playful, but would prefer having his belly rubbed.

PLEASE NOTE: In #5 above, I wrote a very innocent name usually associated with a pet cat. My mind is not so base as to have substituted the first two syllables with *****; someone else did that for me [INSTANTLY ... what are we coming to?].

************************************************** *

Five excellent reasons for not staring too long at the computer monitor

[jtur88]

As in the dreaded Carlinesque "*****cat *****cat, where have you been? I've been to London to visit the queen". Or the Peter Sellers XXX-rated romp "What's New *****cat?" What's the difference between a ***** and a Bush?

[nanwynn]

************************************************

Next,

Five excellent reasons for not staring too long at the computer monitor