Ask Grandstander

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by skrable

where does this question rank among the all-time easiest one to hit out of the park?

Let's see, I make it 348th, just before "What if match-up: Rene Descartes vs Immanuel Kant" and just after "Were the Everly brothers related to Dr. Joyce Brothers?"

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by jtur88

How is Sunday different to you than the other days of the week?

It isn't. My kind knows no season.

[Nighthawk]

Nude/topless beaches....does the potential for running into the Swedish 16-18 cheerleaders camp negate the danger of, well, everyone else who normally populates such locales?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by Nighthawk

Nude/topless beaches....does the potential for running into the Swedish 16-18 cheerleaders camp negate the danger of, well, everyone else who normally populates such locales?

I don't understand what you are asking. Are you talking about nude beaches spilling over onto property currently employed as cheerleader camps? Are you talking about the people from a nude beach taking jog and running into the cheerleader camp? Has there been some recent news story I missed about nudists being assaulted by cheerleaders, or everyone except cheerleaders? Are cheerleader camps commonly located near nudist beaches? Are you in Sweeden?

I suspect that you are assuming a familiarity on my part which does not exist.

[perfectstormhits]

I'm guessing Nighthawk is wondering if it would be worth it to see a couple of hot, sexy 18 year-old Swedish females at the risk of seeing one 220 pound female in a thong.

[vtred]

Weekly "what if" fight match-up:

Kitty Carlisle vs. Arlene Francis?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by perfectstormhits

I'm guessing Nighthawk is wondering if it would be worth it to see a couple of hot, sexy 18 year-old Swedish females at the risk of seeing one 220 pound female in a thong.

Ah, well done, I see the sense of it now.

The answer is......no. There are far too many alternative ways in which to indulge in pornographic impulses which do not not come with the penalty of exposure to the grotesque when exposed.

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by vtred

Weekly "what if" fight match-up:

Kitty Carlisle vs. Arlene Francis?

You have reminded me that the celebrity for whom the reason for the celebrity is not apparent, is not a recent phenomena, Paris did not invent it. The contrast of course is in the requirements of public behavior for obtaining this inexplicable status.

As the special referee for the Carlisle-Francis clash, I would propose Phyliss Neuman. Do you recall her? She was (still is for that matter) an actress of limited talent and limited achievement, at the zenith of her career she might be the damsel of the week on an episode of the Wild, Wild West or Man From Uncle. She was never the star of anything, always an auxilliary player and there was nothing notable about her performances to where you would question why she wasn't used more often or given larger roles. She was of the easily disposable school of actors in that the parts she played could have been played by any one of dozens of similar ingenues and hanger on types with no loss to the quality of the program.

Despite this, between 1970 and 1976, she was a guest on the Tonight Show 24 times. Then, never again after that. This was so grossly out of whack with her actual fame and celebrity merit, that one was forced to conclude that she was either Johnny Carson's clandestine lover, or had photographs of Johnny with a clandestine lover. In 1976, either the affair was terminated, or she had the photographs stolen from her home by Carson agents. In the alternative, perhaps she had been hired as a permanent stand by guest, attending the show every night and ready to come on as though a scheduled guest whenever the actual scheduled guest failed to show for some reason. I'm trying to think of a modern equivalent, but I can't think of anyone with lesser credentials whose name would still be recognized by all. That is because the only reason anyone would have to remember Neuman at all was the fact that she appeared on the Tonight Show with such inexplicable frequency.

As for the Francis-Carlisle battle itself, those two should grapple to a draw with the outcome determined by the performance of their seconds, Durwood Kirby and Bennet Cerf.

[phenweigh]

Kitty Carlisle was a stage legend!
legend

Who was your favorite guest on Carson's Tonight Show?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by phenweigh

Kitty Carlisle was a stage legend!
legend

Who was your favorite guest on Carson's Tonight Show?

Albert Brooks. When he first started out as a stand up comic, before anyone knew who he was, he made a series of appearances that I loved. The first time he was introduced as a ventriloquist, came out with a dummy that looked something like himself, and then did this cleverly crappy act where his inepititude was just enough to make you cringe, but not so much that you knew that had to be a send up. (e.g, when he does the classic "I'll drink a glass of water while the dummy sings a song" bit, he finished the water and then sang the song.) At the end, he stands up and the dummy's body drops away, leaving Brooks holding only the head....there really isn't any way to do it justice by description, you had to have seen it.

Another time he came on and was talking about how when he was a kid, he wanted to be a circus performer because he was inspired by the plate spinner act. (The one where the performer gets ten plates spinning on sticks all at once and has to rush back and forth keeping them going.) Brooks explained that he was a comedian, not an acrobat, so instead of plates, he was going to try and get ten people laughing all at once. Out come ten avaerage looking people who line up in a row. The Sabre Dance music starts (the same used by all plate spinners in every circus) and Brooks rushes up to the first person, tells a jokes, gets him laughing, rushes on to the second, repeats the joke, rushes on to the third and so forth, having to rush back and revive the laughing whenever the chuckles began to fade, geting increasingly desperate as he goes along, doing pratfalls, making faces, anything for a cheap laugh...until he does it...all ten are laughing at once.

Another time he came out and announced he was opening a school for impressionists. As an example of his teaching, he showed how to do Curly from the Three Stooges, which was done by taking a bite of a super heated potato and just letting the natural reaction flow....which turned out to be Curly's whoops and facial gesticulations.

He always did something innovative such as the above examples, he ever just came out and did just jokes or a pat routine.

I also liked Robert Kline a great deal. Not only were his stand up routines intelligently funny, but he was also a great story teller.

[phenweigh]

I believe Brooks recreated the crappy ventriloquist act in Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World (2005).

Friday night against the Giants, the Red Sox scored 10 runs despite only three players getting hits. I thought this was rather remarkable. Yet, when I posted the question on a couple of Sox discussion boards; “Does anybody know when the last time that happened was ... if ever?”, I did not get an answer.

Am I being ignored because the feat, though I found it remarkable, is actually rather mundane or do people just not know the answer?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by phenweigh

I believe Brooks recreated the crappy ventriloquist act in Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World (2005).

Friday night against the Giants, the Red Sox scored 10 runs despite only three players getting hits. I thought this was rather remarkable. Yet, when I posted the question on a couple of Sox discussion boards; “Does anybody know when the last time that happened was ... if ever?”, I did not get an answer.

Am I being ignored because the feat, though I found it remarkable, is actually rather mundane or do people just not know the answer?

The latter....of course. Consider..if someone did indeed know the answer to something as exotic as that, do you think that this person would hesitate for a moment in collecting the glory associated with knowing something that no one else apparently does?

[JoseA]

WHat is your most favorite apetizer?

[Wiggen]

Originally Posted by Grandstander

Let's see, I make it 348th, just before "What if match-up: Rene Descartes vs Immanuel Kant" and just after "Were the Everly brothers related to Dr. Joyce Brothers?"

You mean Joyce is not Don and Phil's sister? Wow!

[phenweigh]

Hypothetical question ... You are the manager of a major league baseball team. It's the last game of the regular season and your ace pitcher can start on regular rest. Your team has clinched the division title, but must win the final game to earn home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. Do you use your ace or hold him back for the first playoff game?