Ask Grandstander

[phenweigh]

A can opener is prune juice and vodka. Speaking from personal experience, it's a very effective (and tasty) drink.

What do you think of Dara Torres?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by phenweigh

A can opener is prune juice and vodka. Speaking from personal experience, it's a very effective (and tasty) drink.

What do you think of Dara Torres?

She's all wet. I understand she drinks can openers.

[Zen653]

Is Brett Favre going to resume his playing career in the NFL, and if so, for whom?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by Zen653

Is Brett Favre going to resume his playing career in the NFL, and if so, for whom?

The smart money has him coming back for the Packers. Among all possible rumors, the ones which swirl around pro athletes coming out of retirement have the highest percentage of ultimate validity and probably no industry has as many returns from retirement as pro sports. Some athletes retired and unretired multiple times...Muhammad Ali, Sugar Ray Leonard, and Roger Clemens are among the world class mind changers. Boxers seem to lead the way, they get tired of being banged up, tired of the immense effort associated with training for a fight, worried about permanent damage..and they quit. Then that one more payday siren song begins to sound and.....

[perfectstormhits]

How did the Cubs and the Red Sox manage to play a game in New York City on July 15?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by perfectstormhits

How did the Cubs and the Red Sox manage to play a game in New York City on July 15?

It's a preview of the future. Ultimately all teams will be New York Yankee subdivisions, franchised out to other cities, but still New York Yankees. Games will be "The New York Yankees of Philadelphia vs The New York Yankees of St. Louis" and so forth.

This will arise from a court case where the other 31 teams join in a class action against the Yankees, claiming their monopoly on aura and mystique is an unfair trade practice. The jury is packed with Yankee haters and delivers a zillion bilion dollar judgment against the Steinbrenners. Unwilling to pay so huge a fine, the Yankees instead decide to buy the other 31 franchises so that they will be paying themselves when they conform to the verdict.

[Wiggen]

Would the John McCain of 2000 campaign and/or vote for the John McCain of 2008?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by Wiggen

Would the John McCain of 2000 campaign and/or vote for the John McCain of 2008?

People write reams of anguished prose about candidates who seem to be altering positions. "Flip flopping" is that all purpose charge of unfitness for such phenomena. It is rather unreasonable in that even the most casual observation of the history of our elections reveals the same pattern every time. When running for a party nomination, the candidate will place emphasis on supporting positions which appeal to the party ideology. Once the nomination is achieved, then the candidate must sell his or herself to not only those with ideological congruity, but also to a sufficient number of voters who are not enraptured by that ideology. The consequence is that the candidate has no choice but to slide toward the center, diluting previously outlined stances. Candidates who fail to do this have a name....losers.

So, if you are of the ideological mindset, your choices are going to be: A) Settle for your guy along with the center modifications, B) Scream betrayal and watch the rival candidate win.


Despite the obvious logic of accepting the modifications rather than accepting the rival candidate, people still scream. It's all senseless in that an awful lot of the crucial issues which seem to come to the forefront and materialize as make it/break it factors in terms of support, are things that the president of the United States doesn't decide. For example...education. There isn't any national program, is there? It's all done at the state and local school district level. The role of the Federal government in education is additional funding and that is a perogative of Congress, not the president. Despite this, education always seems to be a key issue every four years. We even have candidates running who claim that they will be "the education president" which is airy stuff since the president isn't empowered to do very much about it at all. Ask yourself....which was our real "education president?" There hasn't ever been one, has there?

[LongtimeBravesFan]

When you learn information like the ingredients in a can opener that you will likely never need; are you glad your body of knowledge has increased, or are you mad you have more useless information stuck in your brain?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by LongtimeBravesFan

When you learn information like the ingredients in a can opener that you will likely never need; are you glad your body of knowledge has increased, or are you mad you have more useless information stuck in your brain?

I've developed the eccentric theory that memory is actually much more finite than science suggests. You reach a point in life where you have jammed so much stuff in, that in order add new knowledge, some chunk of existing knowledge must be jettisoned to make room...your brain as a digestive system I guess.

Now, I cannot really evaluate the cost of adding that can opener knowledge because I do not know what particular information was trashed to make space for it. It might well be that something even less useful was tossed, but maybe something critical was lost. If the price of knowing about can openers was, say, losing the names of the Spice Girls, well, big deal. But if tomorrow I discovered that I can no longer remember how to drive....

[LongtimeBravesFan]

What would you be willing to learn if you could delete the words to the I am Special song?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by LongtimeBravesFan

What would you be willing to learn if you could delete the words to the I am Special song?

Not certain, but I'm pretty sure that learning that song cost me some Star Trek trivia knowledge. I'll take that back.

[perfectstormhits]

So exactly what is it that Jesse Jackson is going to do with Obama's nuts?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by perfectstormhits

So exactly what is it that Jesse Jackson is going to do with Obama's nuts?

Encourage them to be sure to vote.

[perfectstormhits]

Ever driven a shoe?