Ask Grandstander

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by Zen653

Is there any doubt that Brian McNamee will eventually publish a book? What are your favorite sell-out stories involving publication of a book?

Clemens should have taken a tip from Bonds and paid off his trainer so that he would do the G. Gordon Liddy soldier act. Oddly, the one whose trainer observed omerta is under indictment and awaiting trial, while the one whose trainer went Sammy the Bull on him, walks around undisturbed by the law.

The best sell out book of all time is easily Jim Bouton's "Ball Four." I loved the book, it was hilarious and gave us a never before seen inside tour of the sport. However, I could understand how it pissed off a lot of the players. Bouton did break an unwritten code and a lot of people never forgave him.

Then we have the case of Leonard Nimoy and his autobiographies, the first of which was called "I Am Not Spock!" and the second "I Am Spock" which I suspect helped sell more copies than if he had called it "I'm Still Not Spock."

And...while I do not know, my inclination is to suspect that this was done despite the objections of the author. I reference the title change of Bill James' book on the Hall of Fame. It began as "The Politics of Glory" in hardcover, but when the paperback edition was released, it was called "What Ever Happened To The Hall Of Fame?" That latter is so stunningly inappropriate that I cannot imagine anyone but an idiotic publishing executive being responsible for it. What does such a title suggest? That it is some cranky, YNMYDAY style book where the author insists the Hall's standards have gone to hell and this guy and that guy have no business being in there with the the greats from the past and so forth. Right? The book itself is a combination history of the Hall of Fame, and the application of modern analysis to extract conclusions about who really belongs, who has traditionally been enshrined, what standards when reached guarantee election and so forth, what sorts of players have most frequently been honored by the Vet's committee...like that. The original title was perfect, the book was about the politics of the institution.

I shudder to think of James approving of the title change because I imagine him reacting to it with the same gag reflex as me. If he did approve of it in exchange for $...then THAT is the worst sell out ever.

[phenweigh]

A groundhog/woodchuck/whistlepig is living under my shed. Should I be concerned?

(I don't have a garden.)

[Wiggen]

Speaking of woodchucks, has anyone ever determined exactly how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wouldchuck could chuck wood? And what exactly is chucking wood?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by phenweigh

A groundhog/woodchuck/whistlepig is living under my shed. Should I be concerned?

(I don't have a garden.)

You should be okay as long as you don't expose it to nuclear radiation and cause it to grow into a giant which then stomps your entire community into goop. So make sure that your plutonium is stored safely.

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by Wiggen

Speaking of woodchucks, has anyone ever determined exactly how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wouldchuck could chuck wood? And what exactly is chucking wood?

By the rules of the International Woodchucker's Association, each woodchuck is permitted to chuck 12.5 cords of wood per woodchucking season, and 3.5 cords during post season chucking.

What is wood chucking? For some it's Kerry Woods pitching, for others it's Burt Campaneris or Roger Clemens flinging bats. It might be a euphemism for going into the woods to do # 2, or a competetion to see how far one can hurl Tiger Woods through the air.

[Nighthawk]

Speaking of woodchucking....in your travels did you ever forgo good old American TP in favor of one of those fancy French nether-region squirt guns? If so, did it meet your expectations?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by Nighthawk

Speaking of woodchucking....in your travels did you ever forgo good old American TP in favor of one of those fancy French nether-region squirt guns? If so, did it meet your expectations?

The first, and only time I saw the contraptions, was when I was in Europe. At the time I was still young and ignorant enough to have no idea at all what it was. My guess was urinal for kiddies. My curiosity did not extend to experimenting with it, something for which I was grateful after being clued in as to what they really were.

[LongtimeBravesFan]

Now that George Carlin is dead, can we finally put to rest the rumors that you are George Carlin?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by LongtimeBravesFan

Now that George Carlin is dead, can we finally put to rest the rumors that you are George Carlin?

I'll have to think of some way to prove that I am not dead.

[Wiggen]

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by Wiggen

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

We figured that it would annoy you. Seems to have worked.

[phenweigh]

I received the following e-mail:

Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term 'Ship High In Transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You're the historian. Is this story true?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by phenweigh

I received the following e-mail:



You're the historian. Is this story true?

It must be true, it was in an e-mail.

[Nighthawk]

What activity have you expended the most energy attempting to enjoy? Did you give up, or do you continue to try?

[Grandstander]

Originally Posted by Nighthawk

What activity have you expended the most energy attempting to enjoy? Did you give up, or do you continue to try?

Nothing really. I'm a quitter. I usually know right away whether or not I'm going to enjoy something, and bail quickly if the answer is no. This attitude covers hobbys, entertainment, political concerns, jobs, marriages and so forth.