When a friend is considering suicide...

ganja · March 19th, 2007, 05:34 PM

Today my good friend John confessed to me he is thinking about commiting suicide. Honestly I was shocked, he always seemed content and generally stable, but apparently he has been chronically depressed for the past few months. We really didn't get into great detail about why he's considering suicide, but I got the feeling his transition to college life wasn't very smooth. His specific reason he said was "I just can't be happy". He came to me in strict confidence and made me promise that I would keep the conversation between us. I'm not sure how serious he is about this. We've been good friends for about three years, yet I'm suprised I was his first choice to bring this to. This might just be a cry for attention, or something more serious. I don't really even know who to bring this to if I did tell anyone, because telling a counselor at my college wouldn't really help him at his college. I know his parents somewhat, should I tell them? Should I just try to console him myself? I really don't know how to handle a situation like this...

Cochise22 · March 19th, 2007, 05:57 PM

I would tell someone, whether it be a counselor or a parent its your call. If he is seriously considering suicide then he needs more attention than what you can give him so you definately should tell someone.

Top Cat · March 19th, 2007, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ganja

Today my good friend John confessed to me he is thinking about commiting suicide. Honestly I was shocked, he always seemed content and generally stable, but apparently he has been chronically depressed for the past few months. We really didn't get into great detail about why he's considering suicide, but I got the feeling his transition to college life wasn't very smooth. His specific reason he said was "I just can't be happy". He came to me in strict confidence and made me promise that I would keep the conversation between us. I'm not sure how serious he is about this. We've been good friends for about three years, yet I'm suprised I was his first choice to bring this to. This might just be a cry for attention, or something more serious. I don't really even know who to bring this to if I did tell anyone, because telling a counselor at my college wouldn't really help him at his college. I know his parents somewhat, should I tell them? Should I just try to console him myself? I really don't know how to handle a situation like this...

Absolutely consult the family right away. DO NOT HESITATE. Depression can be deadly, but it is treatable. In fact, in WA State, if he admitted considering suicide to a County official, it's immediate grounds for involuntary commitment. And for good reason.

This is not a time to play with fire. Do your friend the ultimate favor.

I have a sister thatsuffers from manic depression, albeit severe. My sister has attempted suicide on more than one occasion. I have had her commited more than once. And I've had to testify in court to keep her hospitalized. It wasn't easy, but she's still alive and now living out of the hospital as a result.

dlb · March 19th, 2007, 06:34 PM

Get him in a 24-hour lockdown psyche ward as soon as you possibly can. If he told you, he's asking for your help. Give it. Now.

Nighthawk · March 19th, 2007, 07:12 PM

Agreed. The good news is that statistically speaking those who confide feelings of suicide to others are the least likely to go through with it. You are being given the opportunity to help - this is a cry out to you that you should definitely heed. Seek professional assistance promptly on the matter, as TC suggests.

TylerDurden · March 19th, 2007, 09:14 PM

Quote:

The good news is that statistically speaking those who confide feelings of suicide to others are the least likely to go through with it.

This is true. Him confiding in you is a sign that there is still a part of him (most likely a very large part) that still wants to stay in this world. That doesn't make it a cry for attention, but a legitimate cry for help.

Take the initiative, help him get professional help.

TITANFAN · March 19th, 2007, 09:31 PM

Do what you can do as soon as you can do it. We had suicide hit close to home just a few short months ago. Just make sure you do something about this as soon as you can. You sure don't want to wait till it's too late.

Hawkeye4 · March 19th, 2007, 10:04 PM

My first cousin committed suicide in our grandmother's house a long time ago.

Get help soon.

ganja · March 20th, 2007, 09:06 AM

I called his parents last night and had a good 30 minute conversation about it with his dad. He seemed very concerned and thanked me for calling, and vowed he will be getting his son some help. They should be handling it from here, but I'll still be calling John every day to see how he is doing. In fact I've already called him today and he said "Today is better..." I don't know whats going on in his mind or even what the problem is because he's so hard to open up. It's like his emotions are locked up and no one can figure out why he's so depressed, even his dad was puzzled and thought he was a generally happy kid. I wish him all the best and he will be in my thoughts until this whole matter is long behind us.

Top Cat · March 20th, 2007, 12:08 PM

Ya done good kid. He may be a little upset on a visceral basis, but don't let that disway you. You did him right.

Zen653 · March 20th, 2007, 12:57 PM

TopCat, did your sister go on anti-depressants or was she able to recover through therapy alone? Sometimes anti-depressants set people off more than the underlying mental condition. Right now, the criminal law firm I work at is putting together a Paxil defense for a client who went on a bit of a rampage.

Top Cat · March 20th, 2007, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zen653

TopCat, did your sister go on anti-depressants or was she able to recover through therapy alone? Sometimes anti-depressants set people off more than the underlying mental condition. Right now, the criminal law firm I work at is putting together a Paxil defense for a client who went on a bit of a rampage.

My sister is a very complicated case. Her bipolar disorder was a byproduct of a serious and terminal CNS disease. Huntington's Chorea. We learned of the Huntington's diagnosis in April of 2005. Prior to that, it was believed by doctors that her movement disorder was Tardiff Dyskinesia as a side effect of her long term psychotropic drug use. (unfortunately it's a common side effect)

She began exhibiting bipolar symptoms when she was 35. She's now 58. She's been on psychotropic meds for over 20 years. Without her VA coverage, she'd be forking out roughly a grand a month for her meds.

Unfortunately she's not going to get much better. Her disease is degenerative. We've been able to stabilize her and get her out of the lock up and into an assisted living center that specializes in dementia type illnesses.

Sadly, because Huntington's is genetic, I as well as all of my siblings have a 50-50 chance of also having the disease. I have not been tested, and am not exhibiting any symptoms. I am 52, and the typical onset is between the eges of 35-50. So far so good for me. I will get tested in the next few years. My oldest daughter is 14. When she is beginning to think of raising her own children, I'll get tested.

Unfortunately, both of my brothers have also tested positive and are exhibiting symptoms. (my other 2 sisters are negative) One of my brothers has two children who are both bipolar. Which is a common symptom of juevinile onset unfortunately. Neither of his kids have chosen to be tested (one is 17, the other 22)

And to make matters worse for my aflicted sister, she has two kids. One has tested negative fortunately (her son) Her daughter however had her first child 2 weeks AFTER we got the diagnosis. Neither she nor her daughter have been tested.

This is some ugly stuff.

Zen653 · March 20th, 2007, 06:02 PM

TopCat, that does sound tragic and quite difficult to manage. Best of luck to you and your family.

And good job ganja in saving someone's life. Intervention is an essential first step on the road to recovery. Your friend will thank you later, even if he's temporarily upset with you.

LongtimeBravesFan · March 20th, 2007, 07:16 PM

Top Cat, here is an article that was in my local paper Sunday about a woman who had Huntington's in her family and was tested.

link

If the article depresses you I'm sorry but I thought you might find it interesting.

Can you be a carrier without actually having the disease?

dlb · March 20th, 2007, 07:33 PM

Reminds me of what one of my clients used to say about one of his employees: "He doesn't have hemmorhoids, but he's a carrier."

March 19th, 2007, 05:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
ganja Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 194	When a friend is considering suicide... Today my good friend John confessed to me he is thinking about commiting suicide. Honestly I was shocked, he always seemed content and generally stable, but apparently he has been chronically depressed for the past few months. We really didn't get into great detail about why he's considering suicide, but I got the feeling his transition to college life wasn't very smooth. His specific reason he said was "I just can't be happy". He came to me in strict confidence and made me promise that I would keep the conversation between us. I'm not sure how serious he is about this. We've been good friends for about three years, yet I'm suprised I was his first choice to bring this to. This might just be a cry for attention, or something more serious. I don't really even know who to bring this to if I did tell anyone, because telling a counselor at my college wouldn't really help him at his college. I know his parents somewhat, should I tell them? Should I just try to console him myself? I really don't know how to handle a situation like this...

March 19th, 2007, 07:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
Nighthawk Moderator Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: NYC Posts: 2,716	Agreed. The good news is that statistically speaking those who confide feelings of suicide to others are the least likely to go through with it. You are being given the opportunity to help - this is a cry out to you that you should definitely heed. Seek professional assistance promptly on the matter, as TC suggests. __________________ "Whenever the word 'fair' features so prominently in legislation, the odds are that it is economically illiterate" -Rich Lowery What am I doing with your tax money? Sustaining the realm according to caprice.

March 19th, 2007, 10:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
Hawkeye4 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hockey Bay, USA Posts: 168	My first cousin committed suicide in our grandmother's house a long time ago. Get help soon. __________________ If you can't beat 'em, beat 'em up! GO BOLTS!

March 19th, 2007, 05:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
Cochise22 Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 206	I would tell someone, whether it be a counselor or a parent its your call. If he is seriously considering suicide then he needs more attention than what you can give him so you definately should tell someone.

March 19th, 2007, 06:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
dlb Hall of Famer Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 5,511	Get him in a 24-hour lockdown psyche ward as soon as you possibly can. If he told you, he's asking for your help. Give it. Now.

March 19th, 2007, 09:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
TITANFAN Community Moderator Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Nashville Posts: 365	Do what you can do as soon as you can do it. We had suicide hit close to home just a few short months ago. Just make sure you do something about this as soon as you can. You sure don't want to wait till it's too late.

March 20th, 2007, 09:06 AM	#9 (permalink)
ganja Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 194	I called his parents last night and had a good 30 minute conversation about it with his dad. He seemed very concerned and thanked me for calling, and vowed he will be getting his son some help. They should be handling it from here, but I'll still be calling John every day to see how he is doing. In fact I've already called him today and he said "Today is better..." I don't know whats going on in his mind or even what the problem is because he's so hard to open up. It's like his emotions are locked up and no one can figure out why he's so depressed, even his dad was puzzled and thought he was a generally happy kid. I wish him all the best and he will be in my thoughts until this whole matter is long behind us.

March 20th, 2007, 12:08 PM	#10 (permalink)
Top Cat Banned Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Bellingham Posts: 2,309	Ya done good kid. He may be a little upset on a visceral basis, but don't let that disway you. You did him right.

March 20th, 2007, 12:57 PM	#11 (permalink)
Zen653 Hall of Famer Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 7,283	TopCat, did your sister go on anti-depressants or was she able to recover through therapy alone? Sometimes anti-depressants set people off more than the underlying mental condition. Right now, the criminal law firm I work at is putting together a Paxil defense for a client who went on a bit of a rampage.

March 20th, 2007, 06:02 PM	#13 (permalink)
Zen653 Hall of Famer Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 7,283	TopCat, that does sound tragic and quite difficult to manage. Best of luck to you and your family. And good job ganja in saving someone's life. Intervention is an essential first step on the road to recovery. Your friend will thank you later, even if he's temporarily upset with you.

March 20th, 2007, 07:16 PM	#14 (permalink)
LongtimeBravesFan Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 4,660	Top Cat, here is an article that was in my local paper Sunday about a woman who had Huntington's in her family and was tested. link If the article depresses you I'm sorry but I thought you might find it interesting. Can you be a carrier without actually having the disease?

March 20th, 2007, 07:33 PM	#15 (permalink)
dlb Hall of Famer Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 5,511	Reminds me of what one of my clients used to say about one of his employees: "He doesn't have hemmorhoids, but he's a carrier."