I'll contribute to the off-color debauchery....
A guy wakes up on a Tuesday morning feeling like hell. Calls into work.. says, "boss, I don't think I can come in today. My stomach hurts, my head hurts.... I feel horrible.' The boss really needs him to come in, so he thinks it over. 'You're married, right?' asks the boss. "Yes." "Well," says the boss.... "whenever I feel bad in the morning, I have sex with my wife, and then I feel much better." The worker takes the advice and says "okay, I'll see what I can do."
An hour later, he shows up at work feeling rejuvinated. "Thanks for the advice, boss," he says. "By the way, you have a really nice house."
(corny, but I still like it ;-) )
While I'm at it, two one-liners from one of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedburg (R.I.P.)
'I don't have a girlfriend. I just happen to know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.'
and
'The ultimate stocking stuffer has got to be a severed foot.'
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